Author Archives : 2nowbfree

“YOU’RE AN ADDICT! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?’

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These are the words that a gastroenterologist (one in a long succession of gastro docs) almost spat at me a number of years ago. Apparently, even though I was under a pain management physician’s care and was taking my medications as prescribed, it was her position that I was wasting her valuable time which should be spent with patients who…

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RIDING WILD HORSES

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http://https://youtu.be/cwh1GAKuilA I’m not sure, but I think the words are ready to come as to why I keep hearing this song and how I’m hearing it so differently these past couple of weeks. It’s been some dark days for me lately so I’ll warn you that I’m not even looking for a paint brush in this one… no pretty pictures…

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WHERE DO YOU GO?

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Where do you go when you turn away I don’t understand why you don’t want to stay I want to connect And I want to belong Yet it seems we were hearing a much different song Or perhaps you weren’t really Ever singing along It’s not easy for me to let someone in I want so much to try but…

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DAY 15: TIME FOR ME TO FLY

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Originally posted May 26, 2017 TIME FOR ME TO FLY… FROM FENTANYL “Oh, I’ve got to set myself free…” ——– Thanks to all of you for carrying me all this way with your encouragement and your prayers and your Love. I know I’ve said it before but I just don’t think I could have gotten this far without you. And…

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DAY 14: PRAYER REQUEST

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Originally posted on May 24, 2017 If you could please send up a prayer, maybe light a candle, or just send a thought my way, I need you in many ways as I’ve never needed you before. This a pretty good picture of how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days. It seems that I’m having a delayed reaction…

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DAY 14: ON A LOSS FOR WORDS

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Originally posted on May 24, 2017 THANK YOU JUST DOESN’T SEEM TO BE ENOUGH… As you’ve no doubt come to realize, I am rarely at a loss for words. I Love words… when they come. But I just can’t find the ones to let you all know how Loved I have felt as I navigated a really rough night and…

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DAY 11: WANTING THE TIME DENIED

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Originally posted May 21, 2017 As you might have noticed, I didn’t post anything yesterday and I can almost hear the collective sigh of relief! LOL I know it’s been some heavy stuff lately so I can’t blame you for wanting a break. It was a pretty good day, especially for me on a weekend. Andy and I had company…

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DAY TEN: ON OTTERS AND CROWS

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Originally posted May 20, 2017 It’s just my own perspective – and I mean no disrespect to anyone’s faith – that no one religion or faith system has the market cornered as far as truth, reality, and especially justice. I’m open to anything that gives me pause to think about my life and the world around me. That said, I’m…

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DAY NINE: ON GRATITUDE

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Originally posted May 19, 2017 I was just taking my bedtime medicine and for the first time it crossed my mind “hmmm… am I due for a new patch?” NOPE I had company yesterday! And it was awesome! I woke up earlier than usual… and didn’t linger in my bed too long. I took a super long walk with my…

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DAY 8: HOLDING ON

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Originally posted May 19, 2017 I’ve danced on that razors edge more times than I care to count. But last year was the closest I’ve ever been. I can’t tell you how or why I did it, but I’m glad that I decided to “Hold On…” And as I mentioned a friend recently, you can’t compare one person’s pain with…

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DAY 8: ON GOING THERE

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Posted May 18, 2017 Wow, I just read what I posted yesterday and took another look at your responses. Sometimes I wonder if I’m an idiot to be putting it all out here like this. But instead of the judgement one could easily expect, I see your responses to all of this insanity of mine and I read so many…

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MUSINGS OF A MIDDLE AGED WHITE WOMAN

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My heart is breaking for all of the hatred and bigotry on display in Charlottesville. But I have no time or extra energy to focus on my own “feelings.” I am a safe white woman and there were quite a few women who look a lot like me taking part in those so-called “alt-right” rallies. So as I see it,…

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DAY 6: INTO THE MYSTIC, VAN MORRISON

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Not much sleep again last night but at least not a repeat from night five… for which I am eternally grateful! Sorry if I got too deep on some of you yesterday. It was a pretty deep kinda day around here after the night before. So for now, I’m just “rockin’ my gypsy soul” with Van Morrison “Into The Mystic”…

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GOODNIGHT FRIENDS

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“Goodnight stars. Goodnight air. Goodnight noises everywhere.” And goodnight to all you Loved ones I carry in my heart. In the morning for us all I pray for a fresh new start. MLMB… May 15, 2017

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AIN’T LOVE STRANGE, PAUL THORN

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Another Paul Thorn ditty. I think it was the first one I heard and I’ve enjoyed pretty much everything he’s ever done, be it deep or funny. His first album was called “Pimps and Preachers” because (for real) his daddy was a preacher and his uncle was a pimp. I guess that says a lot about his overall perspective on…

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DAY 14: ON SUICIDE AND LEARNING A NEW DANCE

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Robin Williams, “The Fisher King” TriStar Picturs, Columbia Pictures Posted on May 24, 2017 ”On August 11, 2014, Williams committed suicide at his home in Paradise Cay, California, at the age of 63…. His body was cremated and his ashes were scattered in San Francisco Bay on August 12.” I used to Love watching Robin Williams. He was definately my…

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DAY 5: SHIT JUST GOT REAL

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The short story today is that last night was beyond awful. The long story is pretty long so no worries if you’d prefer to stick with the short version. I Love each one of you just for caring. MLMB… —————- I think I sort of know now why it’s so hard for so many people to stop using opiates. For…

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OUR SOCIAL CONTRACT: I CHOOSE LOVE

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I Choose Love I just don’t understand how we came to this place of “if you’re not WITH me then you must be AGAINST me.” We’re all in this together folks and don’t we all, for the most part, want basically the same things? To Love and be Loved. To feel we are equals in the eyes of our God…

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LETTER FROM A LITTLE DUDE

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Hi. My name is Andy. I’m just a little fella and I’m usually a pretty easy going guy. It really doesn’t take much to make me happy. I’m pretty short so my eye level is somewhere between your ankle and your knee so that makes the world outside a pretty big (and sometimes kinda scary) place through my eyes… well,…

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DAY 4: MOTHER’S DAY

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Posted May 14, 2017 Sorry I haven’t had much of an update today. It’s Mother’s Day and I know that it’s hard for so many of us who don’t have our mothers in our lives anymore. For so many reasons I just can’t come up with anything upbeat today. I’m sad. I’m angry. And I’m lost. And I’m sure it’s…

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DAY 4: MACK TRUCK?

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Photo from MackTrucks.com I took a good look just to make sure there wasn’t any structural damage to my building from the Mack truck that drove through here last night. At least it sure felt like it this morning! Lol Didn’t sleep very well again last night so I’m still clearing the cobwebs. But even in my funky haze I’m…

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DAY 3: TOO EASY?

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I keep thinking, “shouldn’t this be more difficult?” 🤔 I can’t say I feel great but I can’t say I feel much more pain/discomfort than on a typical not-so-good kinda day. I expected to have the fidgets and be all wiggy since that’s what would happen when I’d run late on replacing a patch. Instead I’m just feeling exhausted and…

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DAY 3: BURNING UP BUT NOT OUT

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Wow, will tomorrow be the fourth day? Hard to fathom. One thing I thought I should recommend given all of your support is to invest heavily in Tampa Electric since I’m burning up the cash on the air conditioning! It’s hot/cold but mostly hot and I’d rather wrap up in a blanket. Didn’t sleep very well last night, just in…

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FB DISCUSSION ON ADDICTION: THOUGHTS?

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A friend of mine posted this video and asked others to give their views. What followed was, from my vantage point, an excellent exchange of ideas. I’ve excluded names and some personal exchanges within the comments. I’d Love to know your thoughts as well! MLMB… —————————- Initial Post: This is really harsh and will probably bother some of you but…

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DAY 3.1: ET’S “OUCH”

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Okay, so I’m kind of emotional today… well a lot emotional today. So I see that Sci Fi is having a 35th anniversary marathon of ET. I catch it just about the time when Elliott and ET get frozen in the forest and ultimately the government spacesuit guys show up. A bit unnerving. But of course the boys all fly…

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